Stop looking for love.

I hear a lot of people say, “I’m looking for love” or “I still haven’t found the right one.” Smarter people say, “I am waiting for the right one.” For a long time, I believed that the latter is a better principle when it comes to love and relationships. I don’t really have a good rationale why I think waiting is better than looking. It’s just that maybe a “perfect” love is something like serendipity.

But years of falling in and falling out of love made me realize that I really did not understand thoroughly this whole love and relationship thing. Yes, I didn’t look for it. Since I waited and didn’t look for it, it led me into thinking that he must be the right one. Fell in. Went into euphoria. Something bad happened. Fell out. This cycle went on thrice before I realized that I am doing something wrong. The thing is I wasn’t ready when those guys came. I wasn’t the best version of myself yet. Pondering, I came up to a “new” principle; people (or at least I) should stop looking for love and stop waiting for the right one.

Most people say they’re looking for love because they need someone who will complete them, someone who will give them the other half of their heart, someone who will fill the spaces between their fingers. While some people say they’re waiting for the right one because of whatever reason they may think of — maybe relying it all on fate or serendipity. They’re wrong. Wrong because love is not something that is “found”. It is something that is innate. It’s within you. You just have to nourish it. We must all learn how to love ourselves first before having a partner. Love yourself so you can give genuine love. How can you give something you don’t have? You must not look for someone who will complete you because you are already complete. And if you don’t feel complete, don’t dare look for someone who will complete you. What if one day this person who you love and who has “completed” you decides to walk away? What happens to you? I’ll tell you: you’ll be hurt and you’ll be devastated; maybe even more devastated compared to who you were before you met that person. Would you want that? Protect your heart. Isn’t it better to write a marriage vow that says you have found someone who compliments you? You know, someone who makes you feel better but you can live without. Anyway, a marriage vow is not only for your future partner in life; it is also for your parents. Make them proud by showing them that they have raised you as someone who is strong and independent. Spare them the regret of giving you their blessing for stepping into another stage of your life. Saying you can’t live without the other is either of these two: you just want to sound sweet and absolutely in love or you’re just plain stupid. If you don’t feel complete or you don’t feel good about yourself or you don’t love yourself completely, then you might not be ready to go into a relationship. You should not wait for the right one; you should make yourself the right one. Be the best version of yourself; everything else will follow.

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2 thoughts on “Stop looking for love.

  1. I do not believe in the concept of ‘the one.’ It brings to mind the idea that I am only whole as a person until I find the right person, and I just can’t bring myself to believe in that.

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