January 1, 2012 — I told myself, “I’m gonna own this year!” Well, it did happen. I finally earned my degree. I passed the board exams and got my license. I received my first bouquet of my favorite flowers. I had my first dance. I had my first literal struggle for life. I fell in, fell out and fell in love again. I started a business with my best friends. I got my first real job. I bought my first pair of shoes from my own salary. I discovered how nerd I can get. I learned how to wash clothes (using a washing machine, of course), iron clothes, and cook a few dishes. I lost friends and gained new ones. I learned to love and to give importance to my family and friends more. 2012 was a roller coaster of emotions, jam-packed with lots of memories to keep in my treasure box. Generally, I love how my 2012 went. It was epic.
And now, I’ll be joining the band wagon by writing a “to-do list” for 2013. I don’t wanna call it “new year’s resolution” ‘cos most new year’s resolutions expire when February starts. A “to-do list” sounds and feels like some sort of “responsibility”; hence, the title of this post.
- Learn to say no. I dunno if I seem like it but I really do not know how to say no. I find it difficult to reject someone or somebody’s request ‘cos I have this shitty guilt feeling that they’d be hurt if I say no. I do know how to express myself but I just find it hard to sugarcoat a “no”. Plus I think doing someone a favor would benefit me in the long run. How? I do not know. I feel like a bad person for saying no so I always and forever smile and say yes. Argh.
- Stop giving a damn to things not worth my time. Waste of resources. Period.
- Let go of the “what if” and enjoy the “now” and the “will be”. What ifs lead to over analysis which is not really beneficial for me and for my well-being. As what my professors always say, “To lessen the possibility of committing an error do not over analyze.” Let things be because sometimes the more you think of them and control them, the more they get out of hand.
- Live life as carefree as possible and savor every moment. Need I say more?
- Be more available, be kinder and be more understanding. Because sometimes, people do not need someone to converse with; they just need someone who’ll listen to them without prejudices and hasty generalizations.
- Filter people who go in and out of my life. Cut off those who hurt me. Cling on to those who make me happy. People always leave. They sometimes come back but most of the time, they leave… for good. Painful part is when I have already established rapport and some kind of attachment, they get lost like a popped bubble. It’s not that I want to shut people off my life. I just need to be kinder to myself.
- Never forget myself and love myself more than anyone else. How can I give something I do not have? How do I love somebody else if I cannot love myself?
- Take more risks. I’m young and taking no risks makes life a little more exciting than sewing a button on a polo.
- Continue living life the way I want it. And not by the way other people would want me to. They could make as many opinions as they want against me but hey, this is my life. As what William Ernest Henley have said, “I am the captain of my fate, the master of my soul.”