Being officially unemployed for almost four months now made me realize a lot of things.
When I was in my senior year, I was so excited to graduate. I was in ecstasy on the day of my graduation because finally, I am a Bachelor’s Degree holder — something that not all of us can have especially in this country. As I have said in my previous blog (which I posted on Tumblr), education here in the Philippines is more of a privilege than of a right. I may not come from a rich family but I can feel that I’m lucky because my parents were able to give me a gift that would last a lifetime — quality education.
Moving on, I didn’t feel how it was being another member of the unemployed sector right after I graduated. We still had review classes after graduation in our classrooms with our classmates and with our professors so it feels the same. I’m still a student. Before we took our board exams, we were given almost a month to prepare ourselves in our own way — no more review classes; just self-review. I was slowly feeling how shitty it is being a bum. After the board exams, the feelings intensified. I diagnosed myself as having developmental crisis.
Developmental Crisis or Maturational Crisis is a predictable event in the normal course of life such as leaving home for the first time, getting married, having a baby and beginning a career. — Videbeck
I’m having a hard time dealing with myself. I envy my batchmates who went into med school or law school. I envy my brother who just entered college. I actually envy everyone who is still going to school. It is not because I want to go to med school or law school. No. I’m not into med school. Not even law school. It’s just that I envy the carefree life they are still enjoying.
Being a student, I only thought of passing my subjects, chatting with my friends, joining extra-curricular activities and going out. It was totally carefree. I don’t have to think of passing the board exams, finding a job, earning a living, helping my family and saving for my future. I don’t have to think about the economy, peace in the world, safety and other issues of this country. The issues I had back then when I was still a student nurse are shallow compared to the issues I am having now as an unemployed nurse. Student life is seriously less serious than after-graduation life. Being a student is all about me and my world; nothing else.
Though suffering reality, I’m still not giving up on my dreams. I still have this idealistic view of the world and I am planning to keep it as long as I can. I must keep this fire burning long so that the world won’t be capable of destroying me. If I lose this fire, then I’ll be hopeless. Further, I won’t survive.
As of the moment, I must enjoy and make the most out of my unemployed days. Explore and experiment. Test limits. Set limits. And most especially, try to live it as carefree as possible.
Kids, the world you’ll be entering right after college is not a nice world. It’s unfair, harsh and cruel. It is frank, heartless and poisonous. Have those youthful, idealistic dreams and goals last for the longest time possible. Never lose positive energy. Do not ever think of quitting. You may not understand me right now but I know in the future — after you have finished schooling — you will be remembering this while saying, “She was right.”